ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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