I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I am morally bankrupt
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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