your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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