I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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