remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm both gender and math confused
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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