11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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