Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
