I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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