I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
