i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
