so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
