This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
