This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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