...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
