YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
