i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
