I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
