A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
