i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
