good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
