whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
