no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I believe in your delicious
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
