Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
sex in a hospital.. check
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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