Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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