I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
