3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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