I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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