Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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