its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
