Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
