Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
