watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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