make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
