I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
