Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
