i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
