I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
