i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Quick, to the slutcave!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
