I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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