The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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