I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
