official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
