Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
