TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
operation harelip BJ is a go
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
