I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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