Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
