Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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