dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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