Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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