no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
