Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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