DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
