38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
