The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love accidental penises.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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