woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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