I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
