I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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