So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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