Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
