You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
