Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
