Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
