I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
