How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize