It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
