I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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