Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
