I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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