I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
