The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
