He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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