Porn is love you can see.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
