woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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