these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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