Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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