I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
God I need to hump something, right now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
