also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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