She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
