I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
