It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
