Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
