Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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