So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
